Post by Cat on May 26, 2018 19:12:25 GMT -5
Psycho-Type of Verbal Abuse
A psycho-type is a psychological classification of a smaller grouping of behavior tendencies that goes hand-in-hand with personality types. Psychologists use these to determine if a person is self-destructive or toxic to those around them and its clinical uses usually cover affectivity. An affect is usually an abstract concept that’s used to describe the experience of feeling emotions and it usually mediates a person’s interaction with stimuli. Usually this is facial, gestural, or vocal indicator that a person has to certain stimuli.
I know this is pretty boring stuff, but it has a lot to do with you. Yes – you. It’s not only used by psychologists but all of us to some degree or another in everyday interaction with friends and loved ones. We use it in fact, all the time when we bring up sensitive topics to those around us and we use it to judge how uncomfortable we’re making those people around us. For instance, a person may feel offended and it could be obvious, turning their eyes from the person speaking.
This also happens online. If you haven’t read PAM’s article about the Reality Dimension of Europeia, please do as it helps explain how this occurs online and in our community. The definition we use for verbal abuse isn’t always verbal. It can be easily seen through text interaction as well. Without going too deep into that rabbit’s hole, we’ll say that verbal abuse is; when a person criticizes, denounces, or forcefully insults another and is usually characterized by the underlying hostility and anger in general. It’s a very destructive form of communication and it’s used as a defense mechanism for high stress situations. However for some people, it’s a pattern of behavior that is intentionally used to control and manipulate others.
They are a lot of different types of this behavior with different severity ranges. However I’ll be discussing the most common that we experience and see on a daily basis, even in the very region we love.
- Countering
This is a tendency to be argumentative and isn’t in merely political, scientific, or philosophical contexts. It can be used ordinary conversation where a person may share their positive emotions about an event and the abusing person tries to convince them that they’re wrong. Dismissing a person’s emotions and thoughts on a regular basis is not a healthy relationship and can lead the victim to simply stop being active around the abuser. It’s a form of isolationism that the abuser can exploit in order to get a sense of control over the victim.
- Discounting
This goes hand-in-hand with countering usually and it’s usually an attempt to deny the victim any rights to their thoughts or feelings. Despite the fact it may come out as criticism, it’s criticism of a particular kind and one that you can easily see if you look back through the forums. Telling others that they are over-reacting, too childish, or that they have no sense of humor denies the victim’s inner reality. This is indirectly telling the person that how they feel and their thoughts or experiences are wrong.
- Verbal abuse disguised as jokes
This is where those affects come into play. If you’re in a chat and say something out of line or offensive it might become apparent really quickly. A person might speak up or just might quietly shy away from the conversation, and in that moment upon seeing the reaction of everyone else you may want to add “It’s just a joke” or “I was only joking!” or the all too popular “JK” to the situation. Abuse is not acceptable in any form and jokes that hurt are not funny, they’re abusive.
- Accusing, Blaming, Judging and Criticizing
As a political group with diverse minds and viewpoints, this form is clearly found here. Political rivalries aside, when a person feels they have been targeted by a smear campaign, then it takes a serious toll on the person and is justifiably abuse. While this region hasn’t had many of those types of politics (since I’ve been here anyway), this can cause a person to lash out. They often blame or accuse others of ruining their reputation or cheating them out of a position. Judging and criticizing someone is very similar to this but it has the added negative evaluation of the person. Most ‘you’ arguments in fact are somewhat abusive. “You’re never happy.” Is common to see or “You’re always so negative.”
- Victim Shaming
As we look through our personal and public lives, we will undoubtedly come across those who will make you feel as if you’re to blame. They can do this through a host of means, yelling, screaming, swearing, etc. Usually called the “walking on egg shells” syndrome the abuser tends to go ballistic at just about any provocation, if those even if they deal with things that are outside of your control. These sometimes sarcastic or dismissive remarks are to empower the abuser by making you slowly question your ability to communicate with others. This is actually a step above just judging or blaming someone else, it’s meant to shame that person and discourage them from speaking up or even having contradicting thoughts.
- Walking on Eggshells Syndrome
I’m lumping several signs that fall into this category together. Abusers may gaslight someone to make them question their memories and even their sanity. Persistent and intense language can be used to urge you into doing things the abuser wants, like agreeing with them in an argument, which in turn causes you to criticize yourself. At this point, you’re almost working with your abuser to abuse you, as you often find yourself doing things that you are otherwise uncomfortable with. They will use topics that they know will mess with your emotions to keep you feeling as if you’re on the edge, or nervous of what to say next. The abuser wants your self-esteem in the gutter so they can undermine your ability to make your own decisions and form your own opinions.
- “I don’t have to take it!”
And you would be right. You don’t have to take that kind of abuse as abuse is never justified. You shouldn’t feel like it’s your fault and instead just walk away when it happens. Simply not engaging in conflict with the abuser often gives them a sense of powerlessness, they can no longer control what you’re doing or your thoughts. If things get even worse – break ties with the abuser. Blocking them on social media, seeking legal action if necessary, unfriending them, these are all ways of purging the abusers power and should be done. If you feel like counseling will help you, then seek out support groups. I’m sure they are many in your area, and they are also self-support groups online. Stay in close contact with your support system and focus on learning creative and non-destructive coping skills, like painting or yoga, or meditation.
PAM has entire series that talks about common forms of abuse found here in the forum and in our day-to-day life. We also offer advice and help for any abusive situation you may find yourself in as well as a number of resources that are provided to you for free. We care about you, and we know you have a voice … all we ask is that you break the silence and use it.